Are We There Yet?

I've really been so lucky to have this time to myself between jobs to be able to straighten myself up a bit. Some days I feel like I have arrived, I get it, here I am, this is me, I am finished, a work in progress almost completed! Then other days I feel like a bumbling idiot and full of odd insecurities which I should somehow be over by now at this point in my life. This point in my life. What point is it that I am up to?

Somehow it helps me to think of my progress as a human being making her way through her life (albeit in my own privileged compared to the rest of most of the world way) in a zig zag rather than in any sort of linear ascension. I mean I like to think that I am ascending, I am certainly getting older, I'm getting the white hairs to prove it, hopefully as I do I am rising towards something but I think that there is plenty of zig along with the zag before I get there, where ever that may be.

Today I made a chart. A progress chart in a way. It was to help me visualise certain goals my husband and I have for our family for the next few years. And then I laughed to myself and thought of course I know what the likelihood of all these goals being met in the x number of years I'd written in the chart will be. Then I gave myself a break and I thought well if we achieve at least half of those goals I will be happy. And then I ate a bowl of cereal for lunch because we don't have anything else in the house to eat and I didn't go grocery shopping yesterday. And then I got back to vacuuming because I finally figured out what was wrong with our vacuum, oh that the bag needed to be changed. And then I sighed thinking about the shock my brain will have once I go back to working in an office in September.