I should have a belly picture of my giant ballooning sideways baby tummy but as these days I spend more time tracking my kids no selfie at the moment. Also if taken today my bare tummy would show evidence of a purple circle of a bite mark given to me this AM by my baby no baby M. Yesterday Z. kicked me. I'm not sure if they feel my vulnerability and are taking advantage of it for a power play or they just want ALL my attention or they are just plain pissed off but its got to stop. The kick - which has never happened before - came after telling Z. no to something and the bite after I turned my attention away from M. to his father. School, although only two days a week for Z. comes the week after next and not a moment.too.soon. for us all...
So, sideways baby R. I was so psyched when the scan a few weeks ago showed she was head down. I really thought this time would be different - and it still could be - but it feels just a little too familiar. I've felt so awkward these past few days and it's all because she's got her big head lodged on my right side, my centre of gravity is completely off kilter. I feel like I have to start doing the inversions again to realign her at least to breech for the comfort of the rest of my pregnancy because at the moment she doesn't feel like she's budging.
S. asked me this AM if I was okay about having another c-section, as if I have a choice to be okay or not if this baby isn't in position. But I am okay with it. I'm not scared, although after my last experience I have reason to be (the spinal failed and therefore my level of sensation during the operation went from uncomfortable to downright painful). But my first c-section was perfect and so I know that things can and do normally go smoothly for scheduled sections. I am most discouraged about the recovery of the surgery and not being able to be 100% directly after the baby is born and having to manage 2 toddlers and a newborn while sleep deprived and healing. I also although have let go my ideal water birth, etc., etc. at least hoped for a vaginal birth so that I could experience labour and all that comes with a normal natural birth and was hoping that if I was able do it perhaps breast feeding would be a little easier this time around as well as some women on the VBAC pages have noted.
Whatever comes, comes. We can't afford to go through all the acupuncture, chiropractor route this time - not that it worked for me in any case - and I refuse to obsess about it like I did with my other two pregnancies. I will start doing regular inversions and should walk more and do more yoga in any case and whatever after that happens will happen. Our third and final miracle baby will get here however she is destined to we hope in the healthiest way possible for her and me whatever that may look like.