Saturday, 18 October 2014
Most days despite being overly sensitive and moody myself, I am able to cope and be creative in my thinking to tack the sail of sweeping raw emotion that overtakes his little soul when: He's hungry? Tired? Overstimulated? Bored? All of the above? I've given up trying to guess. We just try to keep him fed, proteins definitely help, stay away from sugars for the most part and computer screens, try to exercise outside as much as possible and sleep, well sleep...
The nap/ no nap is a huge issue at the moment. Its reassuring that it might be that Z. is transitioning out of having naps but some days may still need one, which is where we are now leaving his schedule somewhat inconsistent which also can lead to the cranks big time. We are trying to keep a penny jar to reward him for good behaviour and to deduct them from the jar for bad behaviour. So far its working pretty well, the immediate gratification of earning a penny is obviously satisfying for him and on the flip side having one taken away feels like enough of a punishment for him to have him reconsider what ever bad behaviour he's engaging in for the most part.
There are so many sides to parenting that before you become a parent you may consider but until you are in the throes of the same problems with your own children you can't really imagine. And something I never considered is the the toll it takes on the relationship with your spouse when you have different methods of approaching problems with your children. We keep trying and are not perfect, with our children, with each other, with ourselves. I feel so lucky that despite the fact that we can be proud and stubborn and sulky with each other, when our egos get in the way of clear thinking, that we blow up and retreat licking our wounds when we can't get it together, we are ultimately each others biggest cheerleaders and supporters and we are in this journey together unquestionably.
These years are perfectly imperfect with all the moments of love and joy we experience and try to gather up with our arms and treasure when the black mood of childhood without its reason or logic throws over the table and everything on it. And we as the parents scramble to gather what was lost, damaged, spilled and set the table back again and again.
As we approach the last month of my pregnancy and embark on the next chapter of parenthood with another addition to our brood, I've never been so happy that I'm married to the man that I am. He who understands and loves me and our children unconditionally even in the midst of the chaotic beauty that is our unrefined life at the moment. And as unsteady as it can sometimes be he is the anchor for us all.
Wednesday, 1 October 2014
I've slowed down considerably in the last few weeks. It's amazing how quickly the transition is from being pregnant to being *!)*$^%£# PREGNANT!!!! In the second trimester I've always felt like I can conquer the world. Now I just want to crawl back into to bed and stay under the covers. Of course it corresponds to the change in seasons which effects me tremendously. And the growing baby and my growing body. Its exhausting just carrying around the extra weight let alone everything else which comes with the final weeks of pregnancy. And the baby is currently head down!! Meaning natural birth? We'll see but I am faintly optimistic until my next dr.'s appointment.
And all this and trying to work when I can, extracting children from apron strings as I carry my computer bag out the door. We've also are rethinking our business plan for S.'s business all the while tackling the extra responsibility which school brings - thankfully it's only two day a week for now but its a commitment for the whole family isn't it? And this is only preschool and only the FIRST MONTH. I am chaperoning Z.'s first class trip tomorrow, we are going apple picking - of course we are, this is New England. We've got class pictures and open houses and fall festivals and parent teacher conferences and so.much.paperwork...not to mention the snacks and the lunches and the thing to bring in on Tuesdays for show and tell and I was so thankful Z. chose a pinecone, A PINECONE!!! Instead of Buzz Lightyear or Spider-Man like from weeks past.
I am trying to slowly tackle all the small projects which I would like to have finished before the baby arrives. Some things we've cut corners on. The small cabinet we've put in the boys room which we meant to strip of the old paint of and then repaint properly, you know with a primer and then the final coat of paint, we ended up not stripping and just spray painting the final colour. It's fine. I actually didn't mind it the way that it was given to us, slightly aged with paint rubbed off in some places. We still have to set up a crib, buy a stand for the newborn carseat so that we can remove it from the car without having to re-strap in into the car every time we need to take the baby out. Car culture it's a new experience for us. Also, our station wagon is suddenly looking a little small as we moved Z. into a booster seat. Not sure I'm ready for another car search but we do need another car and eventually yes, a bigger car (swallow, minivan?)
We've also managed to get out and do a few more walks before the leaves are replaced with snow. We tried to do a walk to a falls close to my parents house this past weekend and that was an EPIC FAIL. It was my fault. The hike was too long for our boys and also not the road that I had remembered it being. It was also a tourist trap on an Indian Summer day in the Berkshires. 3/4th of the way to the falls M. hit a wall and was unable to recover. S. had to carry our hysterical baby all the way back to the car without seeing the falls. Needless to say that about 5 minutes into the car ride back to my parents house he fell deeply asleep. I was reminded that the last time I did that particularly hike I was 10 years younger and without children. So my memory of it was a little different from the reality...
The walks around our local pond are proving to be the best, we can swing back around the beginning once the tireds set in and there is enough going on in the woods to let them walk/ run without fear of them falling down a steep hill of rocks. They impress me all the time though as they are still very little but love exploring and adventuring into the wild, discovering all that the woods has to offer. I can't wait to see how they are going to be in a few years. Naturalists. All of us.
Monday, 15 September 2014
Finally the other day he admitted that America isn't so bad. Maybe it's not bad after all. I knew once he got into school and things in the house and our routine settled a bit more he would let go of his grudge against America. As lovely as it is here I'm sure that it hasn't been easy, the upheaval from the only life he knew. A new baby on the way. Children are resilient and our kids have it easy compared to most but I know that we shouldn't underestimate the effect change has on small children just as a change of season has on me.
Friday, 5 September 2014
Thursday, 4 September 2014
As expected Z. walked in and never looked back. I thought we'd at least stay until they started their circle time but as the seasoned preschoolers parents started to file out we composed ourselves, gathered up his little brother (who had no intention of leaving) and silently hugged Z. with our souls as we quietly made our exit trying not to disturb the game the teachers had so expertly involved all the children in, leaving us parents incapable of making a scene...
He led his classmates out the door later in the afternoon and one of his teachers said that he was a great leader. His father and I beamed with pride. She also said that he had shared toys with other kids without being prompted 4 times... I know that everyday will not as good as that but as a first day it was pretty near perfect for us all. Z. was never happier.
As a neurotic first time mom of a preschooler I came across this article from Wired's blog, the science of which I've heard before but found interesting none the less. Particularly this part:
Wednesday, 20 August 2014
I should have a belly picture of my giant ballooning sideways baby tummy but as these days I spend more time tracking my kids no selfie at the moment. Also if taken today my bare tummy would show evidence of a purple circle of a bite mark given to me this AM by my baby no baby M. Yesterday Z. kicked me. I'm not sure if they feel my vulnerability and are taking advantage of it for a power play or they just want ALL my attention or they are just plain pissed off but its got to stop. The kick - which has never happened before - came after telling Z. no to something and the bite after I turned my attention away from M. to his father. School, although only two days a week for Z. comes the week after next and not a moment.too.soon. for us all...
So, sideways baby R. I was so psyched when the scan a few weeks ago showed she was head down. I really thought this time would be different - and it still could be - but it feels just a little too familiar. I've felt so awkward these past few days and it's all because she's got her big head lodged on my right side, my centre of gravity is completely off kilter. I feel like I have to start doing the inversions again to realign her at least to breech for the comfort of the rest of my pregnancy because at the moment she doesn't feel like she's budging.
S. asked me this AM if I was okay about having another c-section, as if I have a choice to be okay or not if this baby isn't in position. But I am okay with it. I'm not scared, although after my last experience I have reason to be (the spinal failed and therefore my level of sensation during the operation went from uncomfortable to downright painful). But my first c-section was perfect and so I know that things can and do normally go smoothly for scheduled sections. I am most discouraged about the recovery of the surgery and not being able to be 100% directly after the baby is born and having to manage 2 toddlers and a newborn while sleep deprived and healing. I also although have let go my ideal water birth, etc., etc. at least hoped for a vaginal birth so that I could experience labour and all that comes with a normal natural birth and was hoping that if I was able do it perhaps breast feeding would be a little easier this time around as well as some women on the VBAC pages have noted.
Whatever comes, comes. We can't afford to go through all the acupuncture, chiropractor route this time - not that it worked for me in any case - and I refuse to obsess about it like I did with my other two pregnancies. I will start doing regular inversions and should walk more and do more yoga in any case and whatever after that happens will happen. Our third and final miracle baby will get here however she is destined to we hope in the healthiest way possible for her and me whatever that may look like.